Am I over you?

​”And that moment was so hard for me to breathe, ’cause you took away the biggest part of me, life is so unpredictable, I never thought a love like yours would leave me all alone.”

– Justin Bieber | Bad Day

I can finally say I’m over you, can’t I? I can smile again, I can be with others and I can close my eyes without seeing your face in my mind.

I can also turn on any old song and it will bring back all the memories. I can turn it on and I will see you. I will see you standing there and smiling at me. I will hear your voice, telling me that you love me. Within a split second every old message will pop up in my head. I may have deleted them from my phone, but I can’t delete them from my brain. Every word you told me, the letter you wrote me. 

I can recall every feeling. I can picture every situation. I see my younger self jamming to “Happy” by Pharrell Williams in the car, because the song represented my exact feelings. I can see myself smiling into my pillow, because I realized you love me back. I still see myself sitting at my best friends house, as I told her about you, grinning. I see myself wanting to show you off. I can recall every situation if I want to. I was so naive.

I can recall every good situation but I also know every feeling that I ever had after the two us being a thing. I remember the day you told me, that you fell out of love. I see myself crying on the couch, shaking.  I remember the exact image of my best friend coming over. Me and her walking through the streets as we talked about you while I was trying so hard to fight back the tears. I see myself praying that things weren’t over yet. I hoped and prayed you would learn to love me again. I see myself waiting for you texting me. I see myself bending and trying to be what you wanted.  I was so young, way too young. We were both too young for love. And maybe we never even had anything real. Maybe we were fools and all of it was childish. Maybe you will forget about everything within the next few years. Maybe you already have. But it felt so real to me and I loved you ever since.

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